Yesterday, in the deep dark pit of dissertation isolation, I stumbled upon something online that made my laugh out loud (not LOL) for the first time in an age. Check out http://popsonnet.tumblr.com/ if you like both sonnets and guilty pleasure pop songs (personal favourite is their take on #SELFIE by Chainsmokers). Inspired by that and an extremely old joke me and my equally Shakespeare/Jay-Z-obsessed friend came up with a long, long time ago, I wrote this today. For all those currently mired in the mud of a dissertation, this is for you:
99 Sonnets
If thou dost keenly feel those wench issues,
I look upon thee, youngling, with disdain.
Here hang ninety-nine ailments to choose,
but not a lass, therefore cut me in twain.
Enforcers of the law pursue me hence
in an attempt to ensure my demise.
They speak solely of maidens and expense,
failing to see now how these words are wise.
Hailing from poverty, as I had done,
woulds’t thou not wish much wealth upon thyself?
If my rhymes displease thee, skip forward son,
put not my visage in print on the shelf.
— Having grown from naught to wealth, I’m no fool,
cuckolded not, I dare thee now to duel.
Not You Will 